PTP: Firm F.I.T.'s Sassy Sister

Oh, how I wanted to do Firm FIT. I mean, how long have I been writing about this gig? Three years? Four? Has it even been five? I’ve written about it long enough to see more than 300 graduates change their bodies and their lives. I know this program so well, I could probably run it. Take it from someone who has become somewhat of FIT scholar after listening to hours and hours of FIT testimony, this program can make a believer out of you. Like, the kind of believer that shines with 1000 degrees of white-hot hotness.

You may be surprised to learn that I’ve studied Firm FIT from every angle, and have yet to find a flaw, but I’ve never participated.

Here’s the deal: I’m not really into the whole every single day thing. I’m sort of a flaky half-assed exerciser and a commitment-phobe who travels a little for work, and a little for fun, and I like to sleep late, and I need my freakin’ freedom, so back off already. Sure, if I suddenly had to grace the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated, or marry Johnny Depp or go to a high-school class reunion, I’d totally do Firm FIT -- but I just need a little help here and there and now and then. I want the program’s structure and philosophy, but not the every day commitment. What I really want is Firm FIT’s sassy sister.

So how psyched was I when the Firm invented Performance Training Packages (PTP)? There are several custom-designed programs: Shed (for weight loss), Tone (to sculpt and tone muscles), Gain (to increase muscle mass), Detox (for a full-body cleanse), or you can design your own custom plan (called Design). It’s got all the philosophy, structure and templates of Firm FIT, only tailored to your individual schedule and budget.

After you choose which PTP you want, you and the Program Director will decide how often you should train (1, 2, or 3 sessions a week) and the duration of your package (for 4, 6, 8 or 12-weeks) based on your fitness goals, budget, lifestyle and schedule.

Aside from the actual sessions, each Package begins with an initial assessment and a goal setting process with the Big Brains at the Firm. (And let me just emphasize that these brains are not scrawny, dumb brains filled with boring things. These are whip smart big brains that are filled with fun things that make your body very sexy and healthy.)

The Assessment, being a true chip off the old Firm FIT block, is major.

Depending on the program that you choose, you may have a biomechanical and postural assessment, a flexibility evaluation, or a nutritional analysis for dietary modification; and everyone who goes through the program begins with a body composition analysis, a daily caloric burn rate analysis, the submission of a health history, and details about lifestyle habits and athletic activities. All of this information is chucked into the hopper with your goals and schedule, and out comes your perfect program: tailored just to your needs and level of commitment. Again, I emphasize that there are Big Brains that will take care of all this for you, so that rules.

And I’m thinking that you might be like me: into the idea of Firm FIT, but not the every day. Maybe you’d even love to do every day, but you can’t because of some schedule thing. Whatever. This is all going to change now. The Firm is bringing FIT to you, and it’s called PTP.

Performance Training Packages are available now. For more information, call the front desk at 612-377-3003.

…or you could just go buy a salt lick from Fleet Farm

There are two distinct groups of people in this world: those who demand superior quality, expertise and service and are willing to pay a little extra for it (we’ll call them smart), and those who sacrifice quality to save money (we’ll call them skinflints).

Note: There is also a third group of people who somehow manage to get cool stuff for free all the time -- we’ll call them leggy, beautiful blondes -- but in order to neaten my metaphor and dispel my jealousy, we’ll leave the third category out. They already get too much attention as it is.

Anyway, as friend of mine likes to say, “Cheap isn’t cheap, and expensive isn’t expensive.” Because if you’re buying something cheap, it’s likely that corners were cut somewhere in research or manufacture and you’re bound to be very disappointed. It’s far more economical to buy something of good quality the first time than it is to replace something of bad quality later.

But you know this already. As a Firm client, you shop intelligently. You’ve already eschewed the cheaply-priced but fluorescently-lit, poorly-managed, and tinnily-soundtracked exercise stockyards in favor of a boutique atmosphere with elite trainers, superior equipment, professionally-mixed music and serious ass-kickings served up several times hourly. You know what’s up.

Now the experts at the Firm have gone and done you another favor. Bearing in mind your discerning taste, we have researched all of the top lines of supplements, and have determined that Nutrition Dynamics meets the level pharmaceutical integrity that you require. We found out what chiropractors, coaches, trainers, fitness professionals, and nutritionists provide their clients, and what professional and Olympic athletes take to keep in peak form, too. So that’s what we stocked. (If it’s good enough for Yao Ming, dude, it’s good enough for you.)

Nutrition Dynamics is like a mutual fund of supplement companies. They’re pretty cool because they search for the best products and when they find something that really works, they pimp it. If they want something and they can’t find it, they make it themselves. But what I really like is how they spend their budget on meticulous research and clean, high-potency ingredients instead of on marketing (ever seen a Nutrition Dynamics TV commercial? That’s because there isn’t one). Yes, you could spend a lot less. But why would you? You want the best with everything else, now you’re going to get the best line of supplements. If Firm Clients didn’t demand excellence, we’d just throw a salt lick up on the juice bar and call it good.

Now, the Firm could have just shopped around and placed an order for a buttload of supplements, but they’ve done one better. They actually went to Nutrition Dynamics and told them what we were doing with the Performance Training Packages and asked them to design supplement regimens tailored to each fitness goal: Shed, Tone, Gain or Detox. And the nice people at Nutrition Dynamics embraced the challenge. They did all the legwork and research to determine what must happen to a body physiologically and biologically to meet these fitness goals, and then figured out what supplements help induce those changes. In other words, after you’ve begun your prescribed regimen of supplements, you’ll be able to work out harder and recover more easily, and you’ll achieve your goals much must faster. And you’ll also have shiny hair and glowy skin.

For more information about which supplements support which goals, please refer to the brochures on the kiosk in the lobby. For additional questions about specific supplements, please email thefirm@thefirmmpls.com and we will respond as quickly as possible.